Many of us grew up with traditions that we followed at the holidays.  Time and location of family dinners, when and how to open gifts, caroling or other holiday activities are some of the makings of holiday traditions.  Times have changed and families have changed. There are often greater distances between relatives now compared to a generation ago.  Extended family gatherings may not be possible on a yearly basis.  In addition, the nuclear family itself has changed.  The stereotypical mother, father, and two or more children is no longer a majority in our culture.  There are now single mothers, single fathers, step-parents, step-siblings, visitation schedules, and sometimes legal guardian/relatives in the mix.  Families may find themselves unable or unwilling to continue traditions that they may have followed in the past, but are left with an empty feeling with respect to the holidays.  Below are some ideas for creating new, more fulfilling family traditions that may better fit some of today’s changing families.

While it is recognized that the composition of the nuclear family is changing, we can also change what we consider to be our extended family.  Families that are geographically separated (or emotionally separated) from their relatives may want to "adopt" close friends, neighbors, or co-workers into their extended families. Choosing an extended family contradicts the old adage "You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family."  However, it may provide the opportunity to establish new traditions with people that the family enjoys spending time with.  It also provides the opportunity to create traditions that the family and the new extended family enjoy doing together.

How do you create new traditions?  It can be quite simple.  Consider what kinds of things you and your family like to do when celebrating the holidays.  Be creative! Coming up with ideas can even be made a family project.  Each family member can provide input on what they would like to do, and the ideas could be voted on, or some ideas could be combined, to develop the tradition.  Given that the ideas are logistically and financially reasonable, try them! Be sure to keep in mind, however, that when creative people develop new things, they often make mistakes and then correct or compensate for these mistakes.  Try not to be too disappointed if your first try at a new tradition is not just the right fit for you and your family. You may need to try a few different things or fine tune the plans for a couple of years until you get the right mixture for a new, fun and happy holiday tradition.

© 1999 Lori Godin, LMFT