For many people, the holidays have come to represent shopping malls, credit card debt, excess spending, and bounced checks. Basically, a shop-'til-you-drop, gotta get that one particular gift---Beanie Baby, Pokemon card, video game---sort of experience. It’s as though around November 1st, we all take a deep breath and don’t exhale until December 26th. Then we spend the next several weeks or months trying to pay the debt before we go into debt again.

Now is a good time to take a look at how we spend money, how we feel about money, and what money represents to us. Yes, believe it or not, we have very intense feelings and beliefs about money. We not only have strong feelings about amounts of money, we have strong feelings about how we spend our money, how we budget our money, how we share our money, and so forth.

Let's take a look at some beliefs about money and you decide if any of these beliefs fit for you.

Security: For many people, money means and represents security. We may believe that with money we can feel safer and more secure in old age. We may believe that money can keep us from harm or at least we can buy things and services, which may protect us in some way. Perhaps with money we believe we can insure better health through the best medical advice and the best medical insurance. Security is the goal for many people, and the amassing of money is the means to that end.

Power: Money, for people wanting power, is a means toward control. Some people believe that money will bring them the power to control their life, and perhaps the lives of others. This belief may lead to the conclusion that with enough money we can control where we live, who we live with, how we live, and how other people live. Money is power for some people, and it is used as a tool to control their world.

Happiness: Most people wish to be happy, but some people believe that money will bring happiness. Now, these people may say they don’t believe money equals happiness, however, if they have a choice about how they will attain happiness, these people will choose money. Happiness is perhaps connected with the ability to have lots of things, the best of everything can be bought with money, and, in the minds of these people, that includes happiness.

Freedom: The freedom to choose is an alluring idea, and one that many people associate with money. For these people, money represents freedom. Freedom to buy, to travel, to save, to spend, the freedom to do whatever they choose. Freedom and money become synonymous for these people.

Love: In the American culture, giving things has come to represent love. Many people believe that to show love one must give often and give the best--if we love someone we must give them lots of things, or at least expensive things, or at least the latest things. Giving and love has become synonymous for many people.

Status: In our capitalist society money has become a status symbol for many people. For these people, money brings status in the eyes of other people. Status people aren’t interested so much in the money as the prestige the money brings.

Worth: Money and self-worth are very connected in this culture, and for many people to feel worthy is to have plenty of money. This person believes that how much money they make or have is an indicator of who they are. Their sense of worth and self-esteem is tied to how well they accumulate money.

 

The above ways of thinking about money are only a few of the more obvious possibilities. Look at the beliefs and decide if you fit any of them even a little bit. Now, compare that belief to how you are spending money during the holidays. If you are a person whose self-worth is tied to money, then perhaps a big display of spending is the way you feel good about yourself. Perhaps security is your goal for your money. Then maybe letting go of your money for gifts is hard, and you may be unwilling to share out of fear. If spending money on gifts has become an act of love for you then you may be one of those people who are overwhelmed with debt after the holidays or someone who uses money to display affection.

The power money person may hold all the financial reins in the household and may either make all the spending decisions or dole out the money for gifts like an allowance.

If status is associated with money for you, then perhaps you buy showy status-building gifts--the latest e-thing, the most rare Pokemon card, the biggest and fastest computer, or a trip to Hawaii for the entire extended family. Finally, if freedom is how you think about money perhaps your gift giving is about what you give, assuring yourself that the gift will bring the receiver more of what you value--freedom.

There are many possible interpretations of the beliefs listed above. Go over the list of beliefs again, and become clear for yourself where you line-up. You may fall into more than one category. Use the information about your beliefs to explore how you spend your money over the holidays.

How we make decisions is another way to help you understand about your money habits. Included in this News You Can Use is a Risky Decision-Making checklist. The checklist will help you figure out if you make decisions with balance or impulsively. If you fall into the impulsive category, that is, a person who makes decisions hastily without thinking the decision through, then perhaps you need to consider some ways to avoid overspending during the holidays. The following are some tips:

ü Leave credit cards at home. You can always go back to the store and purchase the item later.

ü Don’t buy simply because the item is on sale. The item may not be the best possible gift choice. Marketing is geared to making you think that an item on sale--no matter what it is--is better than the full price item you actually wanted to purchase.

ü Avoid shopping on Christmas Eve. Many people do this out of necessity. However, the pressure to buy is high, the items picked over, and you may be tired and unable to make good choices.

ü Stick to your list. If you made a careful list of gift items, stick to the list. When we are out at the mall, the glitter and presentation of gifts can cause us to make poor buying decisions.

ü Avoid shopping hungry or tired. Poor decisions and impulsive buying will occur.

ü Pay cash. While carrying large amounts of cash is neither safe nor suggested, carrying some and then replenishing the supply at the nearest ATM in the mall will help you stay on budget.

ü Next year--plan ahead. One way to avoid the crunch at the end of the year is to purchase gifts throughout the year.

With planning and understanding how and why we spend money, your holiday gift buying doesn’t have to be filled with anxiety, credit card debt, and overspending.

©1999 Dale Kay Lillak, LMFT

Dale can be reached at (408) 260-9995, E-mail at Lillak@pacbell.net, and at Dale@www.modernlife.org.

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For many people, the holidays have come to represent shopping malls, credit card debt, excess spending, and bounced checks. Basically, a shop-'til-you-drop, gotta get that one particular gift---Beanie Baby, Pokemon card, video game---sort of experience. It’s as though around November 1st, we all take a deep breath and don’t exhale until December 26th. Then we spend the next several weeks or months trying to pay the debt before we go into debt again.

Now is a good time to take a look at how we spend money, how we feel about money, and what money represents to us. Yes, believe it or not, we have very intense feelings and beliefs about money. We not only have strong feelings about amounts of money, we have strong feelings about how we spend our money, how we budget our money, how we share our money, and so forth.

Let's take a look at some beliefs about money and you decide if any of these beliefs fit for you.

Security: For many people, money means and represents security. We may believe that with money we can feel safer and more secure in old age. We may believe that money can keep us from harm or at least we can buy things and services, which may protect us in some way. Perhaps with money we believe we can insure better health through the best medical advice and the best medical insurance. Security is the goal for many people, and the amassing of money is the means to that end.

Power: Money, for people wanting power, is a means toward control. Some people believe that money will bring them the power to control their life, and perhaps the lives of others. This belief may lead to the conclusion that with enough money we can control where we live, who we live with, how we live, and how other people live. Money is power for some people, and it is used as a tool to control their world.

Happiness: Most people wish to be happy, but some people believe that money will bring happiness. Now, these people may say they don’t believe money equals happiness, however, if they have a choice about how they will attain happiness, these people will choose money. Happiness is perhaps connected with the ability to have lots of things, the best of everything can be bought with money, and, in the minds of these people, that includes happiness.

Freedom: The freedom to choose is an alluring idea, and one that many people associate with money. For these people, money represents freedom. Freedom to buy, to travel, to save, to spend, the freedom to do whatever they choose. Freedom and money become synonymous for these people.

Love: In the American culture, giving things has come to represent love. Many people believe that to show love one must give often and give the best--if we love someone we must give them lots of things, or at least expensive things, or at least the latest things. Giving and love has become synonymous for many people.

Status: In our capitalist society money has become a status symbol for many people. For these people, money brings status in the eyes of other people. Status people aren’t interested so much in the money as the prestige the money brings.

Worth: Money and self-worth are very connected in this culture, and for many people to feel worthy is to have plenty of money. This person believes that how much money they make or have is an indicator of who they are. Their sense of worth and self-esteem is tied to how well they accumulate money.

 

The above ways of thinking about money are only a few of the more obvious possibilities. Look at the beliefs and decide if you fit any of them even a little bit. Now, compare that belief to how you are spending money during the holidays. If you are a person whose self-worth is tied to money, then perhaps a big display of spending is the way you feel good about yourself. Perhaps security is your goal for your money. Then maybe letting go of your money for gifts is hard, and you may be unwilling to share out of fear. If spending money on gifts has become an act of love for you then you may be one of those people who are overwhelmed with debt after the holidays or someone who uses money to display affection.

The power money person may hold all the financial reins in the household and may either make all the spending decisions or dole out the money for gifts like an allowance.

If status is associated with money for you, then perhaps you buy showy status-building gifts--the latest e-thing, the most rare Pokemon card, the biggest and fastest computer, or a trip to Hawaii for the entire extended family. Finally, if freedom is how you think about money perhaps your gift giving is about what you give, assuring yourself that the gift will bring the receiver more of what you value--freedom.

There are many possible interpretations of the beliefs listed above. Go over the list of beliefs again, and become clear for yourself where you line-up. You may fall into more than one category. Use the information about your beliefs to explore how you spend your money over the holidays.

How we make decisions is another way to help you understand about your money habits. Included in this News You Can Use is a Risky Decision-Making checklist. The checklist will help you figure out if you make decisions with balance or impulsively. If you fall into the impulsive category, that is, a person who makes decisions hastily without thinking the decision through, then perhaps you need to consider some ways to avoid overspending during the holidays. The following are some tips:

ü Leave credit cards at home. You can always go back to the store and purchase the item later.

ü Don’t buy simply because the item is on sale. The item may not be the best possible gift choice. Marketing is geared to making you think that an item on sale--no matter what it is--is better than the full price item you actually wanted to purchase.

ü Avoid shopping on Christmas Eve. Many people do this out of necessity. However, the pressure to buy is high, the items picked over, and you may be tired and unable to make good choices.

ü Stick to your list. If you made a careful list of gift items, stick to the list. When we are out at the mall, the glitter and presentation of gifts can cause us to make poor buying decisions.

ü Avoid shopping hungry or tired. Poor decisions and impulsive buying will occur.

ü Pay cash. While carrying large amounts of cash is neither safe nor suggested, carrying some and then replenishing the supply at the nearest ATM in the mall will help you stay on budget.

ü Next year--plan ahead. One way to avoid the crunch at the end of the year is to purchase gifts throughout the year.

With planning and understanding how and why we spend money, your holiday gift buying doesn’t have to be filled with anxiety, credit card debt, and overspending.

©1999 Dale Kay Lillak, LMFT

Dale can be reached at (408) 260-9995, E-mail at Lillak@pacbell.net, or, send her e-mail here

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© 1999, 2000 Any article may be reprinted, but must be printed in its entirety, without alteration, and must show the name and contact information for the author, in order to comply with copyright laws.
 

© Copyright 1999 through 2003 Counseling for Modern Life.  Any article may be reprinted, but must be printed in its entirety, without alteration, and must show the name and contact information for the author, in order to comply with copyright laws.