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ADHD:
Negative traits or unrecognized talents? |
By Eve Solis, MA, MFTI
Living with ADHD is no picnic—not if you are the parent of a child with
ADHD, not if you have lived with it yourself, and also not if you are the
non-ADHD partner of an ADHD-er. Anyone with this disorder has the
traumatic experience of having been pinned with negative labels ranging from annoying
and hard-to-live-with, lazy and unmotivated, brash and
intrusive, unreliable and forgetful, stubborn and difficult, too
intense and scatterbrained. Over time, you may have
internalized these invalidating labels
to the point where you see yourself in these ways—leaving
you feeling ever more hopeless and defeated as you struggle endlessly to access
the enormous potential you sense within you.
ADHD-ers have difficulties in school, in their jobs, in their interpersonal
relationships even though their "high energy" style may initially
attract people. However, the excitement soon wears thin, giving way to
disillusionment and avoidance because of "low follow-through"
tendencies. The result often is a series of relationships that are
frequently superficial and ultimately dissatisfying. ADHD-ers, both
children and adults, often have many acquaintances, yet few close, long-time
friends and confidants because their weak memory skills, chronic
disorganization, and distractibility quickly undermine the goodwill of
prospective friends and partners.
Does that mean that receiving a diagnosis of ADHD at any age is an
economic and social "death sentence"? That ADHD-ers are ultimately
unable to learn consistent, appropriate life and work skills? That they will
always struggle and not ever lead contented, stimulating, and successful lives? No,
absolutely not! Having ADHD is not an excuse for anyone to claim life-long
disability, use it as a defense for unethical/illegal behavior, to expect others
to compensate for one’s irresponsible behavior, or to simply float through
life in a haphazard manner. Individuals with ADHD need to work much harder
at learning good organizational and interpersonal skills—just as a blind
person needs to learn Braille and other crucial living skills to lead a
successful life.
At the same time, many of the prominent characteristics of ADHD, which tend
to be viewed as weaknesses by society at large, can also be perceived as
personal strengths. Following are a few examples of how traits that
may drive partners and parents of ADHD-ers up the wall at times are also
qualities we all wish we possessed and could nurture with the help of
well-meaning, positive and consistent feedback and support from the people in
our lives.
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Distractibility/Inattentiveness
= Creativity
The
daydreaming, distractibility, and inattentiveness which are key features
in ADHD are all closely related to the individual’s creativity. These
periods of "absentmindedness" are not simply mental
black-outs, but rather filled with a myriad of external and internal
stimuli: sounds, sensations, thoughts, smells, sights, or memories. The
ADHD-ers mind happily hopscotches back and forth between internal and
external sensory data to create intricate webs of unusual, exciting,
novel connections. Maybe innovative, new engineering designs or strange
eco-solutions to save the planet, imaginary trips to far-off lands, and
extravagant plans to conquer the world or terminal diseases are all
products of an active ADHD brain. Many ADHD-ers can conceive of and
juggle multiple tasks as long as they have a good support network to
carry out the delegated tasks. Might such artists as Salvador Dali and
Picasso, Da Vinci or Van Gogh, Beethoven or Einstein, Jules Verne or
Louis Pasteur be diagnosed with ADHD today? What about Bill Gates, Steve
Wozniak and Steve Jobs who hire thousands of employees to make their
crazy, imaginative dreams become reality? |
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Failure
to pay attention to details/Making Careless Mistakes =
Divergent Thinking
Many
ADHD-ers experience significant difficulties with multiple-choice test
taking and retrieving rote memorization information. Yet, many do well
with open-end ed test questions, free recall and brainstorming tasks as
well as creative writing projects (with some editing help, of course).
This type of mental processing is called "divergent thinking"
which allows the individual to generate multiple, creative
problem-solving solutions that non-ADHD people may fail to consider.
These individuals may not do well as accountants, yet shine in
activities and careers that emphasize unconventional problem-solving and
innovation such as software programmers or designers. The career
possibilities are endless. |
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Hyperactivity |
= high energy, tirelessness, and zest for life |
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Many
individuals with ADHD are outgoing, friendly, gregarious and exhibit an
infectious enthusiasm that can provide the spark and spirit for a party
or family gathering, a crucial company project, or to gather support and
funding for important research. With guidance and support to provide
structure and harness the intensity, hyperactivity can be the dynamo
driving the successful athlete, scientist, business executive, etc. One
might wonder if superb athletes like Carl Lewis or Magic Johnson and
manic comedians like Julia Dreyfus, Robin Williams, or Jim Carrey could
possibly show some ADHD traits? |
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Impulsivity,
undiplomatic, bluntness = spontaneity and sincerity/honesty/
frankness
Yes,
ADHD-ers often "leap before looking and don’t stop before it’s
done"—and often too late to undo the damage they inadvertently
and unintentionally inflicted. Their direct, heart-felt bluntness can
sting those of us who prefer indirect, politically and socially correct
manners and communication styles. AND, they also can be valuable
catalysts for action to those of us who complacently or timidly wait for
someone else to get their hands dirty. Their openness, sarcasm and
biting satire can often hold a mirror to our apathy, smugness or
jadedness. Would John Lennon, Winston Churchill or George Burns, Mike
Wallace, Joan Rivers or Whoopi Goldberg be interested in taking an
informal ADHD screening? |
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Excessive
talking, blurting out answers, disruptive = expressiveness,
enthusiasm, challenging
Without
trying to minimize the frustration we feel when there is always one
member of an audience or team who footnotes every comment by others,
insists on speaking out of turn, or doesn’t know when to stop the
monologue—there is a positive side to such behavior! Many ADHD-ers
have brilliant brains and often are three steps ahead of anyone else in
their thinking process. If they were to submit to social convention and
not interrupt others when their ingenuity erupts they would forget the
brilliant idea and thus deprive the world of potentially life-saving
truths or simply enjoyable chatter. Furthermore, recent research on the
concept of "eminence" showed that geniuses and highly
intelligent people rarely have congenial, jovial, or humble
personalities! Let’s ponder Jay Leno, Napoleon, Jack Nicholson,
Nostradamus, Rosie O’Donnell, Tom Smothers, or Socrates for possible
ADHD candidates, shall we? |
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Stubborn,
headstrong, brash = courage, determination and persistence
Those of
us who live with ADHD or with someone who has ADHD know very well that
sometimes, it almost takes a set of "jaws of life" to pry an
ADHD-er away from a stimulating video game, the constant visual/
auditory
onslaught of a TV, their latest obsession with a hobby or project.
Without such wholehearted, singular ability to focus and tune out the
rest of the world many historical, medical, and scientific breakthroughs
would have never happened! Think of Alexander Graham Bell, Thomas
Edison, Louis Pasteur or Paul Ehrlich (who discovered the first compound
to arrest syphilis), Einstein, Marie Curie, and Margaret Thatcher. |
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Melodramatic,
emotional, extravagant = sensitivity and generosity
Would
gifted actors and entertainers be as fascinating and mesmerizing if they
didn’t possess a highly developed degree of sensitivity that allows
them to probe the breadth of their emotional scale to give us
unforgettable moments with their artistry? Why do we enjoy Shaw’s
"Pygmalion" if not for it’s emotional drama and extravagant,
fairy tale type of story? Would Jack Nicholson, Judy Dench or Anthony
Hopkins be as enigmatic and brilliant without their intense ability for
melodrama? What would Cher’s extravagance be without the playfulness
and spontaneity so typical of ADHD-ers? |
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Irresponsibility
= tolerance and forgiveness
Living
with an ADHD-er confronts us daily with their frustrating tendency not
to follow through on tasks or commitments, to forget important deadlines
and anniversaries, to lose the mail or paycheck, letting the dog eat the
homework, and so on. On the bright side, many of them are probably
acutely aware of human foibles—very likely because they get more
negative labels pinned on their lapels that most other people! Their struggle to maintain some sense of self-esteem and self-efficacy may
well sensitize them to other people’s weaknesses because it is in
recognizing one’s own struggle in the other human being that we learn
forgiveness and tolerance! When we walk a mile in someone else’s shoes
we become compassionate fellow travelers in life’s journey! |
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Fussy,
picky = choosing carefully, discriminating
No,
ADHD-ers are NOT fussy eaters, overly sensitive wool-haters and picky
window-shoppers! They have exquisite, self-defined style, a
discriminating palate, delicate skin that picks up on minute sensory
stimuli. And, they choose merchandise carefully and agonize over choices
because, after all, quality is important! After all, they have heard it
demanded by others about themselves forever! They might as well begin
the process of quality improvement in the things that really matter to
them: their food, their unique, dramatic and creative style of mixing
and matching their clothes or decorating. |
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Lack
of self-confidence = humility
Our culture
places great value and emphasis on building self-esteem and self-confidence
and often perceives humility and authentic self-restraint as negative
attributes. Clearly, feelings of shame and inadequacy need to be remedied
with the help of encouragement and learning good interpersonal and time
management skills to prevent further emotional pain. However, healthy
self-esteem involves not only a strong I-can attitude, feeling good about
one’s person as well as feeling loved and cared for by others. It entails
recognizing one’s strengths and potential AS WELL AS one’s challenges
and limitations. Not all of us will be brain surgeons or rocket scientists,
and a realistic appraisal of our abilities is not evidence of low
self-esteem, but rather an authentic, kind affirmation that we are unique,
special, and capable of living up to our innate potential with the talents
we have. |
So, to all the ADHD-ers and those living with them:
Work hard and play hard—lighten up. It takes everyone’s talents and foibles
to make life an excellent, stimulating adventure!
Evelyn Solis, M.A.,
MFT Intern IMF33089
Supervised
by D. Marx-Kelly, M.A., LMFT, MFC30728
Eve can be reached at
Counseling for Modern Life, (408) 246-3874 extension 12
E-mail her by clicking
the mailbox link: 
© Eve Solis
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