Love Among Equals
By Chris Henderson
HOW TO MAKE SURE YOUR BUDDING RELATIONSHIP IS BASED ON EQUALITY
There are lots of unequal relationships in life – student and teacher, citizen and judge, parent and child -- but when it comes to romance, the strongest relationships are based on equality. A good equality-based relationship encourages both people in a couple to maintain separate identities and respect each other's individual interests in addition to working to make the relationship strong. For a relationship like this to work, both partners need to make their own decisions, be assertive, and be willing to make some compromises as well.
There are several things you can do to put some equality into your relationship.
Don't Play Games
Scamming and scheming may get you a date, but probably won't help you develop a strong relationship. Instead, start communicating openly and honestly right from the start.
Most people like to talk about themselves and their goals, and if you both share you'll really get to know each other. It will also get you used to the kind of honest talk that good relationships require.
When You Date, Go Dutch
When you go on dates, you should each pay your own way. In the 1950s, men might have been expected to pay for dates, but (luckily) we don't live in a "Leave it to Beaver" world anymore. Paying for yourself is not only more fair, it helps insure that you have an equal voice in deciding what you do or where you go. If you ever do end up paying your date's way, remember that no matter how much you spend, the other person doesn't owe you time, physical contact, or anything else. If you're the one being taken out, remember that you don't owe anything to your date.
Talk, Talk, Talk
Communication is the key to keeping your relationship on the equality tracks. You should talk frequently about the relationship, your wishes and your fears. If your date doesn't speak up as much as you'd like, ask direct questions to draw him or her out. If you're really concerned about keeping things equal, you might want to make a list of everything you've done together in the past week. Did you follow one person's suggestions more than the other's? If so, make a special point to find out what the less vocal person wants to do and follow those suggestions.
Hang on to Your Self
Ironically enough, one of the keys to maintaining a good, equality-based coupling is making sure that you both hold on to your individuality. It's a good idea to maintain some separate friends, to go out individually as well as together, and to spend some time by yourself. In other words, don't let the relationship become your only interest
When you Hit the Sheets
Equality doesn't end at the bedroom door. It's fine to explore the wide variety of sexual options (including playing with power dynamics), but make sure that you communicate fully about what each person wants. Be open and honest in your discussions of safer sex, contraception, and STDs. Don't assume that you know the other person's desires -- talk about them. And if you hear the word "no," stop.
Go For It
Building a relationship based on equality requires some work, but it's the best way to create strong bonds between people. It shows that you respect each other and are interested in really getting to know one another, and it's a great way to lay the foundation for a strong, loving romance.
From www.thriveonline.com/sex/equality/love_among_equals.html
Provided by Lori Godin, 408.260.9996
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