Coping with the Return to School and Schedules
A Checklist for Parents
Think through the changes in your household routine.
What has changed? If you have a new or different job, you're likely to have changes from past patterns. If you still plan to drop 14-year-old Tania at school to save her a trip by school bus, this may mean she needs to reciprocate by helping with school lunches, or to assist with getting everyone out of the house, lights and television off, et cetera.
Think through changes affecting the children.
Have they lost sight of bedtimes during vacation? Have bedtimes for older children changed? Do bedtimes differ for some children? Discuss these with your children individually, and spell out the differences, letting them know how this will affect routine and where expectations have changed. Now that Eric is nine, there may be a new or different expectation regarding his responsibilities. Perhaps he sorts his backpack and puts it by the front door as part of his bedtime routine.
Plan for school paperwork and meetings.
Many parents are overwhelmed by school details for which they have not planned. Go through backpacks with younger children, or ask older kids for emergency contact forms and other paperwork. Sit down that evening to fill them out, perhaps while you watch the evening news and weather report (remind yourself that it only takes a few minutes). Have your address book, planning calendar, and the phone book so you'll have the contact numbers you need, and a place to jot dates of upcoming meetings or Staff Enrichment days. Write down the dates as you read them. Afterwards, place papers in younger kids' backpacks yourself, preferably in a large envelope with the teacher's name in bold, and supervise older children to make sure they've "backpacked" them.
Assess your morning routine.
Is it working? Sometimes, we make the mistake of taking an arbitrary time frame--for example, an hour--and trying to fit our routine into that time span. After a few days, sit down sometime when you have a moment, have a drink of water, a coffee, or a cup of tea, and think back, evaluating what has gone well, and what has gone wrong. This perspective may help you to see where changes are indicated. [see also the two articles on this site for managing morning stress].
Give consequences to enforce rules (and routines) when necessary.
Remember that children comply with rules far more easily when parents are clear with expectations, calm with communication, and consistent in enforcement of rules and application of consequences. Don't fall into the erroneous belief that children "should" behave without parental direction or backup. They will do so when you make your expectations clear, and provide structure that shapes their behavior in this direction.
Reassess after a month.
What additional changes are necessary? Implement necessary changes. Discuss them with your partner or a friend.
Get the emotional support you need.
Most parents work. Many are overwhelmed. Get yourself some support, and be sure to talk to someone who does support (and doesn't lecture or act superior).
Be sure to build in momentary rewards for yourself.
Make time here and there for little rewards. Maybe that means taking time for a cup of tea or playing music you like on the way to work. Consider creating special moments for yourself. Add an extra 5 minutes to your shower routine, and take a hot soak instead. A few minutes (properly spent) here and there can do a lot to perk up your spirit.
Consider occasional rewards for your family that reflect recognition of a job well done.
One mom took her kids to McDonalds for breakfast on Fridays, when the week had gone well. If that doesn't appeal to you, consider simpler treats--making a breakfast milkshake, or having a special kind of muffins. It's not really what you have, but the fact there is an acknowledgement for all of you, and a recognition of a job well done.
This article is by
Dee Marx-Kelly, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Dee welcomes your
questions and comments. Her number in San Jose is (408) 246-3525, or
e-mail her at dmk@surfnetusa.com.
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