Potential for Future Physical Abuse Checklist
Many people are interested in ways that they can predict whether someone they are involved with will become physically abusive. Below is a checklist of behaviors that are seen in people who hit their lovers. The more behaviors checked, the more potential there is for violence. There are scores listed for each behavior. Add up the scores for any behaviors that you see in your partner and check it against the scoring chart at the bottom.
____ 1. Jealousy: States that his/her jealousy is a sign of love. Questions you about who you talk to, where you’ve been, and what you’ve been doing. Accuses you of flirting. Is jealous of time you spend with your family, friends or children. As jealousy progresses, may call you frequently during the day or drop by unexpectedly. May check your car’s gas mileage or ask a friend to watch you. (SCORE=1)
____ 2. Controlling Behavior: Claims concern for your safety or your need to make good decisions. Insists on you not doing certain things or going certain places or spending time with certain people. Doesn’t let you make decisions about your personal appearance, your clothing, your running of the house, and how you spend your money. May keep all the money and make you ask when you need some. (SCORE=1)
____ 3. Quick Involvement: Comes on like a whirlwind, claiming "love at first sight." Will tell you flattering things, such as, "You are the only person I could ever talk to." "I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone." Pressures you to commit to him/her. Often pushes to get engaged and/or live together in less than six months of knowing each other. (SCORE=1)
____ 4. Unrealistic Expectations: Is very dependent on you for all of his/her needs. Expects you to be the perfect wife, husband, lover. Says things like, "If you love me, I’m all you need, and you’re all I need." (SCORE=1)
____ 5. Isolation: Often calls your friends names like "whore," "gigolo," "gay," "lesbian," or "slut." If you are close to your family, you are accused of being "too" close or "tied to their apron strings." Tries to cut you off from family and friends by demanding all of your time, removing the phone, or questioning you in detail about everything that happened and what you said and what others said when you have contact with others. (SCORE=1)
____ 6. Blames Others for His/Her Problems: Someone is always doing him/her wrong or out to get him/her. When he/she makes a mistake, you are to blame for upsetting him/her or in some way responsible for the mistake. You are at fault for almost anything that goes wrong. (SCORE=1)
____ 7. Blames Others for His/Her Feelings: Often states things like "you make me mad," or "you’re hurting me by not doing what I ask," or "I can’t help being angry." Also says things like "If only you would _____, I wouldn’t have to yell (or get mad or break something, etc.)." (SCORE=1)
____ 8. Hypersensitivity: Is easily insulted. Claims his/her feelings are hurt when he/she is really very mad. Rants and raves about the injustice of things that have happened to him/her when they are really just part of living (i.e., being asked to work over-time, getting a traffic ticket, being asked to help with chores, etc.). (SCORE=1)
____ 9. Cruelty to Animals or Children: Punishes animals or children brutally or is insensitive to their pain or suffering. Expects children to be capable of doing things far beyond their ability or teases children or younger brothers or sisters until they cry. (SCORE=5)
____ 10. "Playful" Use of Force in Sex: Throws you down and holds you down during sex. Acts out fantasies during sex where you are helpless. Shows little concern about whether you want to have sex and uses sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance. Starts having sex with you while you are sleeping or demands sex even when you are ill or tired. (SCORE=5)
____ 11. Verbal Abuse: Says things to you that are meant to be cruel and hurtful. Curses you, disgraces you, demeans you, or runs down any of your accomplishments. Calls you stupid or dumb and tells you that you would be unable to function without him/her. Wakes you up or keeps you from going to sleep while being verbally abusive. (SCORE=5)
____ 12. Rigid Gender Roles: Expects you to serve him/her. Defines your role in the relationship. Requires that you obey him/her in all things, even things criminal in nature. Sees your gender as inferior, more stupid, unable to be a whole person without a relationship.
____ 13. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: Confuses you with his/her sudden changes in mood. One minute he/she is nice and the next minute explosive, or one minute happy and the next minute sad. (SCORE=5)
____ 14. Past Battering: States that he/she has hit other partners in the past, but was pushed to do it or had no other choice. You hear from relatives or ex-spouses or ex-lovers that he/she is abusive. (SCORE=10)
____ 15. Threats of Violence: Threatens physical violence meant to get you to do, or not do, something. "I’ll knock your head right off of your shoulders." "I’ll kill you." "I’ll break your neck." Excuses the threats by either blaming you, blaming his/her upbringing, or claiming that he/she "lost it." (SCORE=10)
____ 16. Breaking or Striking Objects: Breaks your loved possessions. Beats his/her fists on the table. Throws objects around or near you. Uses this behavior to terrorize you into submission. (SCORE=10)
____ 17. Any Force During an Argument: Holding you down. Physically keeping you from leaving the room. Pushing you or shoving you. Holding you against a wall and saying "You are going to listen to me." (SCORE=10)
SCORING:
0 Not Likely Violent
1 - 4 Some Risk for Future Violence
5 - 9 Strong Potential for Violence
10 + Definitely High Risk for Dangerousness and Violence Toward Partner
For more information, call Lori Godin, 408.231.1508
© 1999 Lori Godin
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Lori at lgodin@pacbell.net
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