This article is intended to give a short summary of domestic violence, including its prevalence, the system’s response to management of domestic violence (i.e., police and probation departments), and current counseling theory.

Domestic violence (DV) is a growing problem.  This may reflect higher levels of reporting, encouraged by a more effective and welcoming response by the system.  According to the FBI, domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44 in the United States (more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined).  It is estimated that intimate partners in the United States assault about 6 million women each year, and 1.8 million are severely assaulted, resulting in about 100,000 days of hospitalization.

What is Domestic Violence?

Any action that would be termed physical (or sexual) assault by a stranger is domestic violence when perpetrated by a partner.  This really means any unwelcome touch.  In addition, blocking or preventing a person’s exit from a room or building, or preventing the use of a telephone can be a chargeable offense.  A "partner" can be a husband or wife, or a boyfriend or girlfriend, whether current or former.  In the past, a person assaulted by a family member might have had less protection, under the law, than a person assaulted by a stranger.

Are Women the Only Victims?

Are men the victims of domestic violence as well as women?  A small percentage of DV victims are men (estimates are less than 5 %).  When studies look only at the numbers of incidents of violent behavior, it appears that women participate in violent behavior as often as men.  However, women are injured ten times more often than men, and injuries to women are more severe (Strauss, Steinmetz, and Gelles, 1980).  For women, a spousal assault is twice as likely to result in injury as a stranger assault.  Further, men are generally stronger, and it is easier for men to maintain a pattern of power and control over their victims, maintained by violence or the threat of violence. It is accurate, therefore, to state that men perpetrate most domestic violence, and women are most often the victims.

What causes domestic violence?

At different times, cause has been attributed to poor anger management, substance abuse, excessive stress, emotional/ psychiatric problems, or supposed provocation by the victim.  Treatment protocols, which focused on remedying these problems, were ineffective, as they did not address the underlying cause.  Domestic violence is caused by attempting to exert power and control over the victim.  Equality does not, and cannot, exist in a battering relationship.  The batterer’s use of power is supported by his belief that he has the right to do so, and the fact that he can do so.

• support of traditional interpretations of the man’s sovereignty in the home, that is, allowing the abuse by encouraging the view that domestic violence was a couple’s issue, and should be handled in the home (this exacerbates the victim’s powerless position, and may increase danger)
• police agencies’ handling of DV cases, cautioning the husband to go out and cool off, or admonishing the victim not to cause the battering
• requiring that the victim bring charges against the batterer to initiate prosecution
• lack of enforcement of restraining orders
• the tendency of the courts to see the victim as an equal partner—equal and therefore capable of an equal role in negotiation or mediation, ignoring the inherent disparity in power.  This reduces the possibility of a fair outcome.
• the tendency in juvenile court (dependency issues) to see the victim as equally culpable, because she did not protect her children from being in an environment where battering took place, which may result in labeling her an unfit parent
• a lack of resources for victims who want out of battering situations—there are not enough shelters, and shelters cannot house victims in the long term

Legislation in the last decade has resulted in tighter protocols for arrest and mandated treatment for batterers, as domestic violence has gained greater recognition as a social problem, with community responsibility to support women’s rights to equality and safety, even in the home.  Arrest is now mandatory in an incident of physical violence toward a partner.  The victim is no longer in the (dangerous) position of having responsibility to bringing charges against the perpetrator (or not).  The system now brings the charge, as it would when a bank is robbed, a building is bombed, or a child is kidnapped.  However, she is still pressured to testify, and may not be eligible for victim witness funding, if she is fearful, and refuses.

What do treatment programs do?  Most treatment programs for domestic violence are based on a variation of the power and control model, which (i.e., police and probation departments) was well delineated by the Duluth, Minnesota, Domestic Violence program.  In California, some jail time is likely, and may range from hours to months.  Batterers are then required to successfully complete a yearlong treatment program, and 3 years probation.  The State mandate is for educationally based groups, that teach accountability and do not allow group members deny responsibility, minimize seriousness, or blame the victim’s behavior.  These are structured groups, not process groups (where feelings might be the focus).  Processing feelings may result in focusing upon feelings of guilt or shame, but focusing on feelings does not bring about changes in core beliefs and behaviors.

Batterers are taught to understand the (internal) locus of their violence and to acknowledge responsibility.  They are taught to identify the beliefs behind their sense of entitlement.  Although not the main focus of treatment, relationship skills such as communication methods, anger management techniques, and the concept of negotiation and fairness are usually part of the curriculum.  Most batterers have not learned these skills before, and have relied on "bullying" to deal with relationship issues. Women perpetrators are also arrested (the percentage of women perpetrators is small), and are required to complete the same type of program.

Domestic violence cuts across all socioeconomic and cultural barriers.  It happens in the best homes—in families where you would never expect it to happen.  Domestic violence can be an awkward topic to raise with clients, as prevailing attitudes still ascribe some blame to the victim.  Change happens slowly, and societal role expectations for women still include many traditional, male-dominant values, and assign responsibility for the success of relationships to women.  Victims internalize these cultural values, which support their sense of blame (in varying degrees) for the violence.

The victim’s sense of responsibility may result in her denial or minimizing of the problem, and the degree of actual danger may result in her denial (blocked awareness) of the risk she faces. Further, once she perceives the danger, she may be faced with living day-to-day in constant fear.  Recognition of the problem may result in a new set of fears:

"What can and what should I do? "

"What is best for the children? Recent articles say that divorce is bad for kids."

"He says he’ll change. It wouldn’t be fair if I don’t give him the chance."

"Maybe, if I try harder, I can keep him happy."

"My parents say I've made my bed, and now I’ll have to lie in it."

"What will the neighbors think?"

"Can I survive if I leave him? How will I live? We’ll starve!"

"He said he’d kill me if I ever tried to leave."

There are many factors that keep a woman from leaving.  In our society, women are still more likely to take primary responsibility for small children.  They may have put a career "on the back burner."  Women’s roles, in general, still do not include career as a necessary component of successful living, thereby facilitating dependency.

Women’s wages still lag considerably behind men’s, and gender bias is a fact of life in the work place.  This means that a victim may have no practical means of support, separate from the batterer.  There are numerous real-life case histories which document that a husband’s greater economic strength can allow him to continue to victimize and punish the woman after she leaves, even though her goal in leaving is to attain safety, and end victimization.

A woman may be afraid to leave the home, believing that she has some degree of control over the damage done to the children by witnessing the violence.  She fears that when Dad has part-time custody (in another household) she will not be able to control Dad’s treatment of the children, including attempts to turn the children against her, when she is not present in his home, to witness or know of actions or statements.  This is a valid fear. Using children to control her is a common technique.

Lastly, on-going victimization often does not end when the victim leaves the batterer.  Domestic violence includes direct and sustained control, intimidation, violence, and harassment.  This may be through his treatment of the children, through the disparity in economic prosperity that women suffer if they "choose" to leave the relationship (women and their children suffer greater assaults to economic well-being, and have fewer prospects for recovery, than men).  Statistically, the time of greatest risk for death or serious injury to the victim is the time just prior to leaving, or after leaving, the batterer.

In dealing with victims, it is critical to recognize that her safety is likely to be at risk.  A victim may not be able to acknowledge (even to herself) the degree of danger that she faces.

It is contraindicated to do couple’s counseling where there is violence, until the batterer has had appropriate group counseling (6 months minimum, and 6 or more months without violence).  Couple’s counseling can put the victim at risk, for several reasons.  First, in order to be of use, there must be an honest exchange of information about problems in the relationship.  If violence is present, such revelations on the victim’s part can put her at risk for attack.  If, in order to protect herself, she does not talk about problems, she may be seen as failing to participate, and be at risk.  If she makes no complaints, and things do not change, she may be blamed for the lack of improvement, and so on. Individual counseling with the batterer may also be a risk factor for the victim.  If he tells you honestly about the situation, and you caution or confront him, you may place her at risk.  If you do not caution or confront him, he will see you as being in agreement with him, and condoning his behavior.

In providing support for the victim, do not encourage her to stand up to him, or be more assertive.  Do not teach her assertiveness skills. She may be perceived as being uppity, or challenging his authority.  Although it is impossible to predict how to behave in order keep a batterer from becoming upset and using violence (there is no way to guarantee safety) one can use common sense to predict that some behaviors (especially new behaviors) carry more risk than others.  She is likely to be the best authority on what is safer.  Encourage her to be aware of safety issues.  For example, if you give some printed information and referrals, ask if she needs to keep it somewhere that he won’t find it.  Some women will have thought of this—others may not.

Beyond the issue of safety, it is paramount to avoid re-victimizing her in any of the following ways:

• by blaming her in any way for the violence
• by asking why she stays (she may not be able to leave, due to finances, or issues of personal safety)
• by assigning causality to issues that may be a result of the violence, such as depression, or that may have been exacerbated by the violence, such as substance use
• by taking over and reducing her to less-than-equal to you, the helper.

What can you do? Reflect your genuine concern for her safety, and support her self-knowledge of what will work for her in a given circumstance.  Empowering her, while reflecting appropriate concern for her safety, is the best means for repairing damage done by victimization.  Refer her to an appropriate therapist trained in domestic violence, who can provide on-going support.

Dee welcomes questions and comments.  Her phone number is (408)246-3525.  

Her e-mail is dmk@surfnetusa.com, or, click on the mailbox link: